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The Headband Manifesto Despite popular belief in the contrary, I still believe there to be a level of truth in certain things. M&M’s do in fact melt in your hand. Pluto is still a planet. And, most importantly, an NBA standout’s choice to wear or not to wear a headband directly impacts his ability to propel himself (and his team) to the level of the all-time greats. Now I understand every single Cavaliers fan just jumped out of their seat and immediately felt the need to defend their Chosen One and the city of Cleveland, but settle down for a second and hear me out. There is a plethora of historical evidence and an outrageous amount of common sense that can be applied to help validate my argument. I argue, and have for some time, that no team can be championship worthy if their best player (a.k.a the presumed Finals MVP) wears a headband. And furthermore, that player specifically cannot become an individual mentioned among the all-time best. The most astute of readers may point out that The Truth, Paul Pierce, wears a headband and his team won a championship just last year. Oh, and he was the Finals MVP to boot. To that I say: Touché, but then quickly add this: Paul Pierce needed the addition of all-stars like Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett (both headband-less) to get his team over the hump. Also, Pierce will prove to be an exception to the rule as we look back into NBA history, which brings us to the aforementioned historical evidence to support my claim. Dating back as far as Jerry West’s Finals MVP performance for the L.A. Lakers in 1969 over the Celtics, there have been three, exactly three, Finals MVP’s who wore headbands. These three include Pierce, the red-headed Bill Walton and the incomparable Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. That’s three out of the last 40. That’s less than 8 percent. Don’t believe me? Look at the list for yourself. But not all great players win a championship. Ok, so we’ll look elsewhere to define greatness. The same holds true for the Association’s list of its 50 Greatest Players which was compiled in 1997. The only exception apart from Walton and Abdul-Jabbar is Wilt Chamberlain. Extending our search even further we’ll turn to the regular season MVP recipients. Dating back to 1955, this list helps to support the claim, but also adds another exception – Allen Iverson. So in three different lists that, at the very least, attempt to define NBA greatness, there are only five exceptions to the rule. I don’t aim to view this argument in a vacuum. I understand headbands are more popular now than they were back in the day. I know more and more kids grow up idolizing NBA all-stars that rock a headband. I get that. But in the same light, even the recent greats are without head gear. Allen Iverson is the only regular season MVP to wear a headband in the last 10 years, when headbands were “in.” Furthermore, Paul Pierce is the only Finals MVP in the same time frame to wear a headband. Other recent events in the NBA support this contention as well. Earlier this season, the Detroit Pistons traded Chauncey Billups, et. al to the Denver Nuggets in exchange for Allen Iverson. Iverson, as it is well documented, wears a headband. Billups, your 2004 Finals MVP, does not. So is it coincidental that the Nuggets, as of April 1, sit in second place in the Western Conference and the Pistons are a mere two games ahead of 9th place and staying home for the playoffs? Maybe, but I ask you to consider the power of the headband. I don’t contend that a player will be awful if he wears a headband. I don’t even think wearing a headband would hold a player back from doing great things. I’m merely suggesting that there might be something to be learned from the past. In order to achieve success, one must dress for it. Now, I don’t know where you stand on headbands, but to me, they certainly don’t scream “success.” I’m not saying. I’m just saying. Headbands aren’t necessary and certainly aren’t practical. If Shaqtus can run around out there without a headband then anyone can. The Big Aristotle sweats enough for all 12 of his teammates in anyone game. When he stands at the free throw line enough sweat drips from his body to warp the wooden floor boards and legitimately concern arena maintenance. He doesn’t need a headband to soak up his sweat and keep it out of his eyes, and if he doesn’t then no one does. Ever. There’s no real reason to wear a headband other than the look. Maybe Lebron will make a run this post season and win an NBA championship and be the second Finals MVP in as many years to buck this trend, but then again, maybe he won’t. And if he doesn’t, who will we blame then? I can’t say for sure, but I’m going to guess it will be someone not wearing a headband. |
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*Note: Do not put your money where my mouth is. First of all, that’s unsanitary. Secondly, I don't really know what I’m talking about. These are merely suggestions and are not to be taken seriously.
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If you only had one sporting event to watch this week...this is it. Don’t miss this. Seriously, do not screw this up. It’s only one game. You can find the time. NCAA Tournament Championship Monday April 6, 2009 TBD v. TBD Obviously, no one knows who will be playing in this game or even what time it will be played. But one thing is for sure, the game will be played Monday evening at some time with two teams in attendance prepared to play at Ford Field in Detroit. Even though we can’t know who will play in this game, it is still overwhelmingly exciting. Think of all the possibilities. The possibilities are endless. Well, not quite. They’re actually quite limited... Michigan State vs. UNC; UConn vs. UNC; Michigan State vs. Villanova; UConn vs. Villanova. Whatever the matchup ends up being I know I’ll be watching. It’s going to be good. You’re gonna love it. You’re gonna love it. |
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You think I’m wrong? Chances are decently good I am and you want the chance to curse my very existence, right? It’s also quite possible I’m right and you want to congratulate my intelligence. Which ever the case feel free to drop me a line at Winston@downtoclown.com. |
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Top 5 Reasons to Ignore MLB Opening Day 1. Baseball is boring. 2. Games in April do not matter. 3. Steroids 4. Your team will never live up to your expectations. 5. Basketball is better |
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Actual Sentence Spoken by Johnny “Bones” this Week: “I’ve been very productive in building friendships and in sleep getting gotten.”
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